Choosing a Therapist: What to Look For and Why It Matters

Part 2 - What Makes a “Good” Therapist?

Part 2 of the “Choosing a Therapist” Series

This blog is part of our “Choosing a Therapist” series, created to help you take your first steps toward therapy with more clarity and confidence. At Takoma Therapy, we want our clients to feel empowered in the therapy process. That begins by thinking about what kind of therapy and what kind of therapist might be helpful to you. What works well for one person might feel completely off for someone else. There’s no one-size-fits-all. If you’d like to skip ahead or keep a copy for yourself, you can download the full guide [here]. No email required.

The Myth of the Perfect Therapist

A lot of people come into therapy wondering if they’ll find someone who just “gets it.” Someone who is wise but not preachy, kind but not fake, professional but still real. It’s easy to start chasing the idea of a perfect therapist. But what actually makes therapy work isn’t perfection. It’s presence. It’s consistency. It’s feeling like the person across from you is showing up with care and curiosity.

You don’t need a flawless expert. You need someone who listens well, respects your story, and is willing to grow alongside you.

Core Qualities of a Good Therapist

There’s no one right way to be a therapist, but here are some qualities that really matter:

• Genuine and warm. They aren’t performing. They’re real with you.
  
  
• Empathetic without taking over. They don’t just feel your pain, they help you hold it.
  
  
• Respectful of your boundaries and your pace. No pushing. No rushing.
  
  
• Clear about their role. They’re not your friend, but they’re not a robot either.
  
  
• Curious about your experience. They don’t assume. They ask.
  
  
• Able to hold hard things. When the room gets heavy, they stay present.

What Good Therapy Feels Like

Good therapy doesn’t always feel good in the moment. Sometimes it’s hard or uncomfortable. But the relationship itself should feel steady and safe enough to take those risks. You should feel:

• Heard and understood
  
  
• Respected and not judged
  
  
• Supported, even when you’re struggling
  
  
• Challenged in a way that feels thoughtful, not harsh
  
  
• Like you are still the expert in your own life
  
  

A good therapist doesn’t need to have all the answers. But they should help you ask better questions, stay present when things get difficult, and trust that you are capable of change.

The Role of Skills and Experience

Beyond personal qualities, your therapist should also have the skills to support you. That means:

• A clear therapeutic approach or framework
  
  
• Experience working with your concerns, like trauma, anxiety, grief, or identity issues
  
  
• A willingness to explain how they work, so you’re not left guessing
  
  
• Openness about their limits and a plan to refer you if they’re not the right fit
  
  

Some therapists are great with insight and reflection. Others are more structured and goal-oriented. Some use somatic or creative methods, others stick to talk therapy. There’s no right answer, it’s about what supports you best.

What to Watch Out For

If you start to feel uncomfortable in therapy, it doesn’t always mean something is wrong. But here are a few red flags:

• The therapist talks more than you do
  
  
• They dismiss your feelings or seem defensive when you give feedback
  
  
• They blur boundaries or share too much about themselves
  
  
• They focus more on their own agenda than your goals
  
  
• You consistently feel worse after every session, without any sense of growth
  
  

One or two of these moments can be worked through in conversation. But if the pattern keeps showing up, it may not be the right fit.

Up Next: What to Expect in Your First Few Sessions

In Part 3, we’ll talk about how therapy begins. What actually happens in the first few sessions? How do you know if it’s working? And what does it look like to find the right fit?

Until then, if you want to explore your options, browse our therapist profiles [here], reach out to intake@takomatherapy.com, or download the full Choosing a Therapist Guide [here].

The right therapist won’t fix you. They’ll walk with you while you figure out what healing looks like for you.

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